03 12 / 2013
I feel so incredibly blessed today. I have 60 sisters that I can talk to and hang out with. I have an amazing family that supports me in whatever decisions I make. I have a boyfriend who is willing to share his space and his life with me. It has definitely been a roller coaster ride of a semester, but I have gained so much from it. The downs only made me appreciate the ups more. Changes are always bittersweet for me. I know that everything will be alright in the end, but I always get emotional when I am moving on in my life. After finals this week, I will be done with this semester, getting ready for my mini-semester course, and moving the rest of my stuff to Brandon’s (well, I guess OUR) apartment. Crossing my fingers for the best.
01 12 / 2013
“Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.”
We’re going to move in together. Two and a half years after he asked me to be his “rock and roll queen” (song he showed me by the Subways). I kept thinking, “We should wait until 3 years, when I graduate from college.” But… why not? Brandon is my only. He’s someone who I can confide in. Who I can wake up at 2am because I’m crying and he will listen. Patiently. Respectfully. This man paints my toenails when I get frustrated (I’m awful at painting my nails), because his artistic mind rationalizes that it’s just a tiny canvas. He’s brilliant. His mind and his heart. He makes me tea and brings me cookies when I’m having an emotional day. He paints me pictures of the moon and the trees and sky. He grabs my hand and pulls me along to the park. He shows me movies I’ve never heard of. I got to watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the first time with him. We’ve been through many moves together. Him to Dickinson, me to Houston, him to Clear Lake, me to Clear Lake, him back to Dickinson… and me back to Houston… and him back to Clear Lake. I’m ready to be together. To be in the same town all the time. To come home from work or class and see him sitting on my big red couch. No matter what happens, he always tries to make it better. He tells my family all the time, “I just wanted to see her smile.” I can’t even imagine who I’d be if I hadn’t met him. He makes up such a huge part of my life now.
I want see all my adventures with him.
Simply, I adore him.
22 10 / 2013
What makes you think you are so much better than everyone else? My life is a product of what I put into it. Who are you to say that isn’t good enough?
21 10 / 2013
It is times like this where I think about it. Alone in my solidarity.
The past in all its glory… when nothing could keep me from the endless discoveries in life. I wasn’t afraid to experience the world and all its possibilities, and I had all of my friends to back me up. High school is such a blur now. With all my college experiences, I can say I never had more fun than all the times I spent bullshitting at friend’s houses, doing things we knew we shouldn’t, living each day to the fullest.
It has been a few weeks now… Since I learned of such a tragedy. A tragedy to my generation and its invincible mindset. A tragedy to my past memories. A tragedy to everyone who knew him in the slightest.
I’ll never understand what was going through his head at those last fleeting seconds, or the pain that his heart crippled with daily. I’ll never know him more than the few times he brought laughter into my life, or shared in my adolescent mischief. But damn, did he make people smile. That’s one thing we can all agree on. All of us in our silent grief and loss of words for what had become of someone who was only human weeks prior.
He’ll live infinitely in the water his ashes were scattered in. In the tears that slid down all our faces when his life became so final. When I hear EDM, I’ll think of his goofy smile and the way he made his life a party, even when he may have been the only one to hear the music. I hope in death he can experience the peace he longed for. I’ll live my life to remember where I’ve come from, in the hopes that I can experience half of the good times he had.
10 9 / 2012
You: Look at me! I embody America right now. Dressed up at the mall, leaving with Starbucks in one hand and Cinnabon in the other.
Me: You look nice!
You smile & continue: And being with you makes me want to love things! I don’t want to be mean, because I know what you’d say to me about saying those things to people.
Me: That’s good though… you could say you’re a nicer person having met me. I still don’t see the issue here.
You: But I’m conforming to society!
Me: But you love me.
You: And that’s the most messed up part about it! I love you.
10 9 / 2012
"Do you feel the way I do right now? I wish we would just give up. ‘cause the best part is falling, call it anything but love. And I will make sure to keep my distance. Say, “I love you” when you’re not listening. And how long can we keep this up?"